I often channel questions for friends and I am often surprised and (I’ll be honest) impressed by the information that comes out. A friend of mine had a question about the purpose of her current long-term relationship. This is the response:
It is a tenuous bond that allows you to retrace the aspects of the other in yourself, so that you may adjust your personal alignment – the way you live – and allow it to be more in tune with your vision for yourself. Your partners are always mirroring back to you that which you do not care for in yourself. You will always see it in others first. You must take this information and understand that all angst comes from self angst. Anything you accuse someone else of you must first look within yourself to see if you are accusing yourself of that thing in any form, in any way. When you do this, you will appreciate the things that you had before considered irritating, maddening. Because then you will know the purpose is to help you love yourself more. You do this for each other and you do not give up. When it seems to get worse, you help each other more. Re-frame your attitude about the relationship. Re-frame your attitude about yourself. Do some soul searching and once that is done, turn your gratitude toward your partner and instead of getting angry, show compassion towards the work they are doing for themselves. We think this will help you. Good luck.
I hope that makes sense to you. My take is this: When your partner, child, friend, relative pisses you off or upsets you because they are accusing you of something completely not true in your eyes, it’s because there is something inside of you – that you believe about yourself – that isn’t being seen by you. You haven’t dealt with it and resolved it. Otherwise, they could say this thing and you’d just roll your eyes and know it wasn’t true.
I watched a hypnosis session once in which a woman was constantly distrusted by her own family. She said they all thought she lied about everything. Under hypnosis she remembered her grandmother locking her in a closet as a child and calling her a liar even though she hadn’t done anything that she was accused of. So here she is, carrying the upset of that event through her entire life. And here her family is, mirroring that upset back at her until she deals with it and resolves it.
I have seen this in minor ways in my own relationship as well and it is rare that I get “triggered” into anger anymore because I’ve trained myself to look and see what it is that is being mirrored back at me. Just as a dumb example – my family and I were at Chuck E. Cheese one night. The kids were off playing and my husband and I were sitting at a table. We both got up to get our salads and my husband reminded me that I had left my purse under the table. I shrugged and said something like “nobody’s going to steal it”. I wasn’t worried about it, so I left it. Minutes later I was back at the table and craning my neck to figure out where all of the kids were. My husband looked at me and said “Nobody’s going to steal them”. I had to laugh. I told him he was right. I’ve always had a deep worry about my children when they are not directly in my sight and this was a good lesson for me. But 10 years ago I would have been really mad at him for saying “something like that”. You know, something mean. Heh.
Now I know anything that triggers me is just prompting me to go within and clear out any junk that makes me angry or sad. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that! Once you recognize when you are triggered it will stop the anger and you will just wonder what the heck that trigger is there for. Hopefully, with that, you will realize that all of the people you encounter (especially those closest to you) are offering you opportunities to heal and live an easier life. Might take some practice though.
As they said above, “Good luck”.